← INDEX

^{Beware the dog!}

🎪 →

MISING FLOWERS IN THE
“UNCONDITIONAL LOVING”
OF MARRYYOURPET.COM

11.400.000 entries on Google for “unconditional dog love”^{Fig. 22} speak about the wider connotation of this term as a unifying force in the exchange of affection between dogs and humans—an expression that works alongside a complete catalog of love expressions such as “a dog is a man’s best friend” or “we do not deserve them”.

Although this assortment of compliments elevates the dog to an object of devotion, the solidity of its foundation is called into question when considering the principle of reciprocity and the extent to which the dog willingly participates in these affective roles. The reciprocity implicit in such expressions is subject to scrutiny, thereby instigating a discussion about the nature of interest exchanged in dog-human relationships. Expressions such as “If I have a dog, my dog has a human” capture these exchanges and enable diverse interpretations based on the circumstances in which they are used.²⁵ These range from “I don’t know if I saved the dog or the dog saved me” about the newly adopted dog, to “Is the human walking the dog or the dog walking the human?” when discussing dog-walking rituals.

Fig.22
Google Search. Screenshot of “dog unconditional love” search. Searched November, 18. 2022. Website screenshot. Google.com

²⁵
Other interpretations of the phrase “If I have a dog, my dog has a human” are questioned by Donna Haraway in the context of possession-property-and the right of access towards companion animals

^{Haraway, Donna Jeanne. 2003. The Companion Species Manifesto: Dogs, People, and Significant Otherness. Chicago: Prickly Paradigm Press}

Occasionally, such expressions may be taken a little bit too far.

The vow “till death do us part” is typically exchanged between two individuals during a marriage ceremony. In 2003, Dominique Lesbirel sought to extend the concept of these “love agreements” to a multi-species scale, and thus created Marryyourpet.com. ^Fig.23

Presented as a religious organization,^Fig.24 this site serves as a platform for the formalization of a “wedding with your pet”. However, it does not allow divorce, yet offers advice for “couples” experiencing a crisis.

Fig.23
Marryourpet.com website. Screenshot of the homepage of Marryyourpet.com.
Searched November, 21. 2022. Website screenshot. Marryyourpet.com

Fig.24
Marryourpet.com Facebook profile. Screenshot of description Facebook page. Searched November, 10. 2022. Website screenshot. Facebook.com

Marryyourpet.com
through the eyes of Adrian.

Fig.25
Ana Robles Pérez x Marryyourpet.com.
“Heart collection” of Marryyourpet.com. Created November, 28. 2022. Archive screenshot. Marryyourpet.com

Hearts as emojis, hearts as clickable buttons with the text “Marry me now!” and hearts as prints for t-shirts.^Fig.25

The usage of this icon as the primary branding element to market the concept of “love” at Marryyourpet.com speaks for itself. The website features an overabundance of graphic stimulation that can make navigation challenging and potentially distract users with sections such as “Happy couples”^Fig.26 or or animated features.^Fig.27 Nonetheless, there is a concentrated effort to steer users towards the main “marriage” provisions, which not only provide essential information regarding the “wedding” but also highlight the site’s financial benefits for utilizing its services.^Fig.28

Fig.26
Marryourpet.com website. Screenshot of the questions on the page Happy couples of Marryyourpet.com. Searched November, 21. 2022 Website screenshot. Marryyourpet.com

Fig.27
Marryourpet.com website. Animation of divorceyourpet.com at Marryyourpet.com. Recorded November, 21. 2022 Website screenshot.

Fig.28
Marryourpet.com website. Screenshot of the section with the main services of Marryyourpet.com, Marry me now? Searched November, 21. 2022. Website screenshot. Marryyourpet.com

Upon conducting a comprehensive analysis of Marryyourpet.com, it becomes apparent that the “Ask Adrian” section serves as an archive summarizing the platform’s main content.^Fig.29 Presented as a FAQs thread, this archive is moderated by “Agony Aunt”, a term used by Dominique to refer to Adrian, whose role is to provide clarification regarding any doubts related to the site’s services.^Fig.30 Given the significance of his contributions, the answers he provides to Marryyourpet.com's curious audiences serve as the focal point of the subsequent narrative analysis.

Fig.29
Marryourpet.com website. Screenshot of the page Ask Adrian of Marryyourpet.com.
Searched November, 21. 2022. Website screenshot. Marryyourpet.com

Fig.30
Marryourpet.com website. Screenshot of the Agony’s Aunt description in the section Ask Adrian of Marryyourpet.com. Searched November, 21. 2022 Website screenshot. Marryyourpet.com

But before jumping into the various resolutions Adrian provides to Marryyourpet.com’s visitors, it is pertinent to consider the following:

The terminology utilized in Marryyourpet.com bears a resemblance to the language used in human weddings. However, in the analysis of this platform, these terms will be used with a distinction. Words such as "marriage," "wedding," "love," or "partner" —among others, will be enclosed in quotation marks to denote their unofficial use in the context of a pet-human “wedding.”
Marryyourpet.com employs the term "pet" to refer to a companion animal. Therefore, for the purpose of this analysis, the same term will be utilized to describe the dog figure.
Despite Adrian's frequently asked questions —Marryyourpet.com FAQs— appearing in a seemingly haphazard order as though posed by external individuals, this analysis will restructure them to facilitate a more logical and coherent examination.

Adrian says:

☞ What constitutes a pet exactly?: ^Fig.31

Fig.31
Marryourpet.com website. Screenshot of the question. What constitutes a pet exactly? from the page Ask Adrian of Marryyourpet.com. Searched November, 21. 2022. Website screenshot. Marryyourpet.com

Whether it is a budgie, a ferret, a goldfish, a cat, a stick insect, or any other animal species, humans have a tendency to label any animal as a pet in a manner that suits them. Considering the particularity of this context, it is inherent that pets are perceived as creatures with a functional domestic purpose to serve humans.

Adrian says:

☞ Why marry a pet?: ^Fig.32

Fig.32
Marryourpet.com website. Screenshot of the question Why marry a pet? from the page Ask Adrian of Marryyourpet.com. Searched November, 21. 2022. Website screenshot. Marryyourpet.com

From halitosis and herpes to dirty underwear, a variety of non-pleasant human conditions are presented as issues that Dominique claims will not be a concern when “marrying” a pet.

In this context, the concept of “unconditional love” is evoked as a justification for humans to still be “loved”, even in the most unfavorable circumstances. The term “uncooperative pets” could not be overlooked, as it offers a pretext for terminating the relationship in the event of such behavior, but with an additional economical consequence. As indicated by Adrian at the conclusion of his response: ^Fig.33

Was the service unsuccessful?
Sorry, but the money for the marriage will not be refunded.

Fig.33
Marryourpet.com website. Screenshot of “no refunds will be given” in the question Why marry a pet? from the page Ask Adrian of Marryyourpet.com. Searched November, 21. 2022. Website screenshot. Marryyourpet.com

Adrian says:

☞ How do I know if he’s the one for me?: ^Fig.34

Fig.34
Marryourpet.com website. Screenshot of the question How do I know if he is the one for me? from the page Ask Adrian of Marryyourpet.com. Searched November, 21. 2022. Website screenshot. Marryyourpet.com

²⁶
Jessica Pierce elaborated on settings in which the limited
choosing options of the dog arise: Our pet dogs generally
do not get to pick their friends or their family and do not get
to decide when or how to interact with others; they don’t have
the opportunity to choose a mate and raise a family unless we
label them ‘breeding stock, in which case they have no choice;
they don’t get to move about freely, work to find their food and
shelter, or respond to varied stimuli from the environment.

^{Pierce, Jessica., Dog's World: Imagining the Lives of Dogs in a

World without Humans (S.l.: PRINCETON UNIV PRESS, 2023)}

“And am I the one for him?”
With no answer to this question, reciprocity disappears.The purported “love match” constructed on the basis of supposed shared interests masks the reality of humans making decisions on behalf of dogs.²⁶

But it gets even riskier.

Even when the dog’s refusal to “marry” is considered, such occurrences are normalized and the process proceeds as if nothing happened.

Adrian says:

☞ How should I “pop the question”?: ^Fig.35

Fig.35
Marryourpet.com website. Screenshot of the question How should I “pop the question”? from the page Ask Adrian of Marryyourpet.com. Searched November, 21. 2022. Website screenshot. Marryyourpet.com

Find a good moment, a right time, and voilà, all that is left to do is to “propose”. The act of “popping the question” assumes the pet's acceptance and promptly proceeds with the necessary “formalities” to proceed with the “officiation.”

Adrian says:

☞ How do I get married?:

☞ How big will the marriage be?: ^Fig.36

Fig.36
Marryourpet.com website. Screenshot of the question How do I get married? and How big will the marriage be? from the page Ask Adrian of Marryyourpet.com. Searched November, 21. 2022. Website screenshot. Marryyourpet.com

Fig.37

Marryourpet.com website. Screenshot of the section Marry me now? from the page Ask Adrian of Marryyourpet.com. Searched November, 21. 2022. Website screenshot. Marryyourpet.com

Fig.38

Marryourpet.com website. Screenshot of the Simplest wedding and Wedding certificate from the page Marry me now! of Marryyourpet.com. Searched November, 21. 2022. Website screenshot. Marryyourpet.com

Fig.39

Marryourpet.com website. Screenshot of the Biggest wedding, T-shirt and Wall plaque from the page Marry me now! of Marryyourpet.com. Searched November, 21. 2022. Website screenshot. Marryyourpet.com

Presented almost as a checklist, the “marriage” procedure brings a series of interventions that must be completed for a successful experience, beginning and ending with an assessment of the emotional state of both “partners” involved.

The “Marry me!” section^Fig.37offers an extensive “wedding” index, similar to a human wedding catalog, with a wide range of options to “officialize” the moment. The attention paid to this service is not just in the variety of options available to choose from but also in the possibility of purchasing sentimental objects to commemorate the “ceremony”.

Starting from the simplest option which includes a certificate^Fig.38 to the most elaborate choice, comprising a t-shirt and a wall plaque^Fig.39, these items contribute to the creation of an “archive of love” and serve as Marryyourpet.com’s trademarks to outsiders of its community.

Last but not least the following slogan“if none of these are lavish enough for your marriage, call us”^Fig.40 indicated that the “marriage” packages are customizable and have no limits, with more extravagant options available upon request —just some more cash would be needed.

Fig.40
Marryourpet.com website. Screenshot of the section
“a package for every pooch” as Marry me now? section of Marryyourpet.com. Searched November, 21. 2022. Website screenshot. Marryyourpet.com

Adrian says:

☞ Can I marry a pet if I’m already married to a human?
☞ Can I marry more than one pet?
☞Can I marry a pet of the same sex?
☞ Do we have to be together for a certain length of time? ^Fig.41

Fig.41

Marryourpet.com website. Screenshot of the questions Can I marry a pet if I’m already married to a human?, Can I marry more than one pet?, Can I marry a pet of the same sex? Do we have to be together for a certain length of time? from the page Ask Adrian of Marryyourpet.com. Searched November, 21. 2022. Website screenshot. Marryyourpet.com

The reply to this? Somehow the same, everything is permissible.

Whether it is pet bigamy, secret “marriage”, same-sex “marriage” (with a 10€ fee), multi-species “bigamy”, or “love” at first sight, the rules of the service are flexible and favorable to humans. Could “marrying your pet” result in a divorce in the case of a human-to-human marriage if not accepted? Of course, it could —surprisingly with no commissions included.

Adrian says:

☞ What about the bad times?:
☞ Will we carry on as before?: ^Fig.42

Fig.42
Marryourpet.com website. Screenshot of the questions What about the bad times? Will we carry on as before? from the page Ask Adrian of Marryyourpet.com. Searched November, 21. 2022. Website screenshot. Marryyourpet.com

To put it simply, encountering challenges with one’s pet does not alter the overall outcome of the “marriage” experience. Any disagreements are easily dismissed and considered justifiable indifferences. Only a certificate, a t-shirt, and a wall plaque —in case of selecting the “biggest wedding”— will mark the difference.

Oh, and a commission of 200€ on the PayPal account.^Fig.43

Fig.43
Marryourpet.com website. Screenshot of the Biggest wedding from the page
Marry me now! of Marryyourpet.com. Searched November, 21. 2022.
Website screenshot. Marryyourpet.com

Adrian says:

☞ Why did you set up this site?: ^Fig.44

Fig.44

Marryourpet.com website. Screenshot of the question Why did you set up this site? the page Ask Adrian of Marryyourpet.com. Searched November, 21. 2022. Website screenshot. Marryyourpet.com

Marryyourpet.com does not abide by the marriage guidelines of the church.
Created as a procedure to provide official recognition and significance to the concept of “pet love”, thereby suggesting an emotional state that may surpass human-to-human relationships.

At the same time, the site acknowledges and endorses the practice of pet-human “marriage” as a valid approach to cultivating a meaningful bond between animals and humans.

At this point,
where is the bouquet toss?

Following queer theorist Jack Halberstam’s analysis of pet culture, it becomes evident that dogs see the human as a source of food or exercise or maybe comfort, while the human sees the pet as uniquely hers, as a romantic partner, a trusted companion, an uncomplaining spouse.²⁷

In this sense, Marryyourpet.com serves to promote and celebrate this state of affection, presenting it as an artificially created phenomenon ruled by anthropomorphized versions of love.²⁸ However, prioritizing “dog love” through the lens of “human love” is not a cause for celebration or an easy and convenient way to express affection, as it may lead to adverse consequences for the dog without any repercussions for the human.

Dominique’s endorsement of “unconditional love” perpetuates unrealistic expectations that may lead to misguided and unbalanced caregiving practices, ultimately reducing the dog to an object of affection.²⁹Consequently, subscribers to Marryyourpet.com become both the creators and spectators of a constructed phenomenon of love where the concept of furry children³⁰ and dog-love partners³¹ have been eclipsing human-to-human relationships. Rather than contributing to the notion of how multi-species households can harmoniously coexist, it erases the critical boundaries of trust and respect that should be afforded when entering into a relationship with a dog.

Hence, while Marryyourpet.com took to the extreme all kinds of devices, and expressions to formalize its “ceremonies”, it seems surprising that the bouquet toss was never mentioned. However, let’s view this as a victory. If it were to be included, it would serve as a validation for those who promote unbalanced and problematic human-to-dog relationships to justify why “pet-love” platforms, such as the one invented by Dominique, should keep existing.

²⁷
Jack Halberstam in his article “Confession of a Petophobe” highlights the core of the exchange of sources on dog-human relationships as the roots of a more realistic human-dog love language, at least from the dog's side: While the pet sees the human as a source of food or exercise or maybe comfort, a cross between a nanny and a jailor, the human sees the pet as uniquely hers, as a romantic partner, a trusted companion, an uncomplaining spouse

^{Halberstam, Jack. July 2009.

Life Off the Leash, or Confessions of a Petophobe}

²⁸
In his book “Dominance and Affection: The making of pets”, Tuan argues that despite the apparent presence of affection in human relationships with pets, there is also a considerable degree of indifference to their suffering and exploitation of their powerless position, as part of creating non-inclusive love languages over the position humans are forcing dogs to be

^{Tuan, Yi-Fu. Dominance & Affection:

The Making of Pets (New Haven: Yale University Press, 2016)}

²⁹
“A love object-oriented creature” is a term introduced by Heidi J.Nast in her research when articulating towards the reconsideration of the dog in post-industrial contexts across the world since the 1980s from considering pets (especially dogs) as a species apart to a reconsideration of pets” (especially dogs) as profoundly appropriate objects of human affection and love

^{Nast J, Heidi. “Critical Pet Studies?,”

Antipode 38, no. 5 (2006): pp. 894-906}

³⁰
The speech “dogs are the new children” has been introduced by different authors over companion animal studies. While it is normally brought as an object of parallel substitution, Heidi J.Nast in her Critical Pet Studies goes a step forward, not only articulating how dogs have become substitutes but how they have even superseded children. Especially by the facility of disposal actions existing when the caring of dogs is not fruitful, pushing the dog to be canceled and abandoned from the human-dog relationship, something almost unthinkable in human-children relationships.

^{J Nast, Heidi “Critical Pet Studies?,”

Antipode 38, no. 5 (2006): pp. 894-906}

³¹
When Wilhelmina Morgan Callaghan married her dog, Henry, in 2009, she did it under the expression “dogs are better than men”

^{London, Bianca. “Wilhelmina Morgan Callaghan Marries Her Dog.” Daily Mail Online. Associated Newspapers, Accessed October 10, 2022}

Or who knows, perhaps the bouquet was excluded because the dog had already eaten or destroyed it prior to the “ceremony.”